April 26, 2011

Yesterday I was consumed

Yesterday I was consumed by my own feelings and griefs and attitudes. I was sad; quite sad. I walked around in a fog.

This man in beat up clothes who looked like he had been dragged through a river and dried out in the sun looked at me as I walked out of the grocery store and said in a strained voice, "ma'am, can I ask you a question?" "drug addict" said the uncharitable side of my mind. "I'm sorry," I said. "I don't have any money."

Yeah, and it was true. I didn't have any money. But I felt this little sinking sensation in my solar plexus that told me I could have done something anyway. I passed up an opportunity to just talk to the guy for more than two seconds, and to give him some desperately needed respect and love by treating him like a real human being. Conversely, I've been doing great in the religious forums; stockpiling lots of respect for my ability to memorize and regurgitate facts. Ugh, this is not adding up.

I'm a little disgusted with myself, is it coming through in the typing?

So, this is it; I'm just going to say it.

I have a hard time believing in "-ism's" and "-ianity's," particularly because they so often seem to separate people instead of unifying people. I'm not just responsible for caring for the people in one religious group; I am responsible for the whole of humanity. Either all men are made in the image of G-d, or no men are. I don't accept groups. I only accept people.

What I believe in is not doctrines or articles of faith, but rather it is the Eternal Now, the Kingdom of Heaven. And it is here, in this moment, in my being and the faces of others and the natural environment I find myself in. 'Today, if you will listen." I don't care what you call it, honestly, I don't; and I'd rather not be sold someone else's views on the subject. I love my Creator with all the pathetic little paper roses and macaroni pictures my soul can muster, and I believe that I was born for one thing: to show compassion to my fellow man, and to reflect every good thing in my life back to my Loving Creator who for whatever strange reason, never gets tired of reaching out a helpful Arm when I cry for Mercy. There's this well-spring of infinite Love. Can you feel it? There's an invisible door to it in the center of my gnarly little being.

Tradition and spiritual discipline are, and always will be, a part of my life. But if I am being really honest with myself, I feel the Presence of the Divine, שכינה, in three things:

~Long walks in the beauty of Nature, where I offer words and songs and dances to the invisible G-d whose beauty seems to saturate the creation itself and I am full and overflowing in the abundance of it all.

~When I am creating art in various mediums and the little "me" disappears.

~And in the eyes of all people: brothers, sisters, strangers, neighbors, nemeses, lovers, friends.

That's what I have learned so far. What did you do today?

No comments:

Post a Comment