November 10, 2011


Cat + Ducks = trouble

Gentlemen, beware; you're in for a scare. I'm going to talk about periods. I know, I know, that's nobody's favorite topic on a brisk, nipply Thursday evening in November, but this is my blog so shut up. Did I mention I'm perioded?

I decided not to take any painkillers this month. This was a big step for me, because I have often been known to whine like a fat kid at fiesta texas (it happens) whilst menstruating, and to truly, actually, believe I was going to die if I didn't swallow some pamprin IMMEDIATELY. Once I even took a vicodin, given to me by a compassionate friend who shall remain nameless for her protection, under the assumption that my demise would be imminent, should the pain continue to build. I don't know if it's all the life-changes making me approach myself with the kind of wild grin a lab scientist gives to a hamster, but I decided to experiment away and face my fears...


I started my period. I'm going to go as long as I can without pills, we'll see how long this lasts...

I also drew this totally tubular illustration in my journal. It's ok if you don't get it.


Man, this is intense. The pain, and the general experience. Definitely not eating anything today. This is a cleanse, and I want to listen for whatever this process has to say. I'm trying not to fight the pain, but just to let the old me, old blood, go. And I guess to accept the state of pain, because I am afraid of suffering great pain, and I may need a drug to help me let it go... I want to learn not to depend on a substance. Maybe by learning to live through physical pain, I will begin to learn how to process psychic pain, instead of depending on bad physical habits to pull me through. But yeah... yikes. It's building.


Wow, I have been taking way too much painkiller in the past. After the initial onset of my gut pain, which was scary to feel it build, it has settled into manageable cramps. Maybe it's the lack of meat in my diet? I don't feel overwhelmed by pain, just really tired. When the pain wave comes, I just roll with it, embrace it, and then it's not so bad. I remember reading that pain during your period is actually caused by muscular tension based on the fear of pain. Which is pretty hilarious. I'm really happy that I'm facing this with relative fearlessness; there really is nothing to fear but fear itself. I even walked a mile this morning...

(still later)

Love is a river, and I am bathing in it. With this opening of my body to release all that is no longer helpful or useful to hold on to, I embrace change and what is to come by letting go of all that I have been... all that was not truly who I was created to be, or that was useful in the past and is not anymore. I let it all go. Thank you for peeling away my layers and exposing a new creation...


And there you have it, ladies. Don't be fooled into thinking you have to depend on substances to pull you through pain... A lot of it is in the mind; I focused my attention on my guts, and set an intention of letting go, and relaxing my muscles in the neighborhood of my guts. That's how I, who used to be terrified of period pain, have come to regard it as a helpful ally to engage in a multi-level cleanse. It's very helpful to journal through something like this; it's a very meditative opportunity. I drank carrot juice and had a bit of chocolate today, but other than that, I just drank water. I couldn't have handled food. I think the relative ease of this whole situation was also aided by the fact that I haven't been eating significant amounts of refined flours or sugars, and have avoided meat like the plague. More on that later... Thanks for stomaching this post, heh heh.