I want Poetry and I want it Now

I thought I had it all figured out
I thought I had it right, now
even if my direction was a spiral into the very heart of the earth

But time does rob and give back to me
all I never thought I'd see
I'm stumbling, reminded of your heavy worth

And you must be part of my Arm
pulling me gently with cords to harder ways
to what's right

When I don't want to hear it
when all I seek is dissipation, not participation
but I am forced to anyway


Because my broken heart pulls me
stretching, incubating Love's lost reasons

Change occurs daily
but you look the same as me
You dance away into the light


What should I play tonight?


- - - - - 6.12.2010

My body is not a cage; it's a castle.

this delightful foto by the great Steven Bernstein


G-d doesn't just love your sparkly, shiny, inspiring Soul. He Loves every part, right down to the very shitty bits of your being.


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Part I: Waxing Poetic

The breath/Spirit* of G-d carries Love into my being, but I must unfold all the dinginess and damp; crevices that have yet to see the Sun in a lifetime - and let Love permeate and work all through every part. Thankfulness can help break the wall down and let it all through.

Eventually, somehow, I suppose manure is converted to diamonds... er, heavenly alchemy.

But not by force or manipulation... only by pure, perfect, complete Acceptance. And that is the gift of our Source: G-d. Who began a good work in us, and will see it through...


*(in Hebrew & Greek they're the same word)

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Part II: Ouch, my leg.

I dreamed I cut off all my hair and dyed it a hideous orange color (my first thought was "not again!?!?!" which is certainly strange in itself, but it gets worse, much worse...) I looked down at my legs with the same nonchalance and tried to cut them off too! Good Grief! There is some sort of egregious miscommunication going on between me, myself and I.

The Teshuva (repentance/turning/rethinkingeverythingongodsgreenearth) I've been engaged in lately, while in some ways a return to the True self that dwells with G-d, has been unwisely paired on my part with an intent to detach from all physicality. DAMMIT!! No!! Not again!!!

Red. Red is the color of Courage, and the Root Chakra, and blood, and the life force of all creatures, and forward momentum, and heat, and Love and vigor!

And G-d saw all that he had made, and behold! It was very good! (Genesis 1:31

But still, I do not have courage! Courage to follow the lead of my Father in Heaven and EMBRACE all of me!!! - For the Love of G-d and all that is holy!!!!! Blargh!!!


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Part III: Brave Hearts

I love going to visit the Alamo. I feel the holiness of the place in a tangible way; so many could not have given their lives so bravely for what they believed was right without making a permanent cosmic dent in the area. I look at the unadulturated work of art that was erected in their memory, and I sing a song I wrote in their honour:




Brave hearts, into the sun
hold your flags higher and higher

They can kill our bodies but they can't
kill our souls

They can kill our bodies but they can't
kill our Hope


I wish I had the Courage to stand my ground like they did. Agh! Courage! I'm obsessed with the term. I've always been a bit lily-livered, to tell the truth - a bit waffly, rather yellow 'round the edges and prone to parting with my ideals when I think someone will take umbrage at them. I don't want to spend my life in retreat. I want to stand, and after I have done all I can... to stand!

To Let It All Through

"please... can't we just stay like this, forever?"

"a moment can last forever."


Depth Perception, 2010, דבורה


You've always been a better friend
than I could manage to pretend

Trees bear strange and foreign fruit
but meet each other at the root

Can you hear this fleeting fear?
I put my heart up to your ear

Just sing and dance and laugh, lover
it don't take so much to recover

Oh, hear me now
I... I just don't know how
Oh, to let it through
but I... I am waking up to you


"In moments of mystical illumination, we may experience, in a few chronological seconds, years of transfigured love." -Madeleine L'Engle

Fireworks

Always trust your intuition.


I Love my creative spirit.

Hanukkah Shmanukkah

So, Hanukkah is long since over, and there's nothin' coming up in the immediate future that those of us not so inclined to celebrate the mainstream holidays can get fired up about... but memories of the tasty latkes consumed within the last few weeks, the warmth of the Hanukkah candles and dozens of poorly played Dreidel games leaving me with scant gelt can linger on...

Which leads me to this most shocking (or not so shocking if you're the kind of person who likes to read books and learn things) revelation. I was struck full-force when dining with my husband's family at a German restaurant last week how very much Ashkenazic Jewish culture absorbed from the German culture. To put it bluntly, pretty much every incidental (that is, cultural, not religious) tradition.


All the good food, baby... Potato latkes, erstwhile "Reibekuchen" consumed with apple sauce and/or sour cream. German.

Hamantaschen, eaten at purim, find their roots in German pastries like Quarktaschen, a cheese pocket pastry (my favorite in my time in Munich).

Even Lox, that staple of the Jewish diet for shul-attending and secular alike, is SO German... they even used the word before us: "Lachs"

So much tastiness we got from them Germans, with the exception of some of the less edible Ashkenazic foods, like the dread Gefilte Fish, which everyone wants to see on their plate come Pesach but no one actually wants to eat... The original Ghetto Food.

"My Yiddishe Mama, you've got eighteen children and only two fish! What kind of fish-and-loaves caliber miracle do you expect to work that you should be able to feed them all??"

"!אין בעיה מותק, you take zeh fish and you make it into zeh loaf!!!... Fish-Loaf!!"


And don't get me started on the Dreidel game! I grew up imagining Maccabees spinning tops to keep their Torah learnin's secret from the Greek Gestapo... Then, to my dismay I was informed by a well-meaning educator that it was a direct rip-off of a German spinning top game. Instead of Nes Gadol Haya Sham, try Nichts Ganz Halb Stell, words that are merely instructions on how to play the game.

And yet... it doesn't really bother me all that much now to see how much of our own culture was absorbed from a people group that began as friendly enough neighbors who allowed us to flourish in their society, then eventually began to strangle, choke and attempt to annihilate our very spark of life, then in recent years has bathed themselves in tears of guilt and shame and emerged to become one of the primary fiscal supporters of the nation of Israel.

I can still imagine Maccabees gambling in the woods to cover for their Holy book-love, I can enjoy the world-flavored foods of my people without lamenting it's un-originality; rather, revel in it's diversity. The Jews have always been a melting-pot of cultures ever since the mixed multitude came out of Egypt. It kind of challenges one as a Jew to see beyond the boundaries of your own dang race and recognize the common ground of all people, which is a sport I like to engage in most of the time.

My awesome brother-in-law might posit that all of these traditions actually originated with the Jews and were absorbed by the surrounding culture instead of the other way around.... Dude, I love you, but you're crazy. :P

So... Merry Festivus, Happy Christmas, Sweet Kwanzaa, Wish It Were Still Hanukkah and a Good Gregorian New Year, people.